Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Turning Point - UPDATED

Most days are simply continuations of the day before or a subtle lead in to tomorrow. But some days are turning points. Today is one of those days.

Last night, not long after midnight, I finished edits on my new manuscript. A huge psychic weight lifted off off my shoulders. (As any writer knows, it's the next best thing to writing, "The End!") I played a game of Spider Solitaire in celebration, promised myself a Grand Marnier in the near future, and headed up to bed. At 6AM I got back up. I hadn't slept a wink.

I did, however, feel a cold coming on. At first I thought it was allergies, but instead of subsiding, the sneezes, stuffiness, and itchy eyes progressed. I haven't been sick, even with a slight cold, in almost three years.

The day after I got married, I was struck with a high fever. After all the planning and gown buying and reception-hall-picking and as-close-to-perfect-as-possible-wedding-celebrations were over, my body gave in.

That was a turning point. 

And so is this.

I'm adeptly in tune with my body, as I think many people (read: women) are. The slightest ache or weakness is noted and carefully monitored by my inner doctor. Almost always, the ache or perceived rise in temperature passes, and my inner doctor relaxes and reverts to "on call" status. My body is again giving in, but not due to the beginning of a marriage.

My attorney emailed me this morning asking me to sign a document. I clicked on the page and saw, "Affidavit of Consent."

 The marriage of the Plaintiff and Defendant is irretrievably broken. 

October 2010
I will be signing my name on a divorce decree after 27 years of marriage. 

A turning point like few others.

I know what you're thinking: Get plenty of rest and push the fluids.

That's exactly what I plan to do. And, then I'll hold my head high, put one foot in front of the other, and proudly walk forward into my new unimaginable future. 

Laurie (my sister) & Peter's Wedding. 10.01.11 Centennial, CO
(Special thanks to my family, friends, and Bob Shelton for making that future possible.)

EPIPHANY: In regards to this post, a friend of mine wrote on FB: "I always got sick right after nationals. Means you've done great things, lady." She was a talented swimmer in HS. Interesting viewpoint, given it took me an entire year to complete my novel and am now dealing, in a more serious way, with the end of a LTR. Pushing yourself forward through the eye of a life-changing needle is like giving birth. Right now I'm in psychic labor, and the aches, pains, stuffy head, and sore throat are what I must feel to give birth to a new life...mine.

*I love that I found an art gallery to represent this post. Artistic expression, in all its' facets, is one of the things I'm most committed to at this turning point in my life.

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Tick Tock, Tick Tock...

Sitting in my study editing my manuscript, I hear the tick tock, tick tock of time passing by. As the 100-year old clock that belonged to my grandmother arouses my consciousness, I'm made aware of the tiny fraction of time I have left here on Earth.

As each second clicks by, I wonder...

Have I accomplished what I set out to?
Am I where I thought I'd be/wanted to be at this point in my journey?
Am I holding grudges that prohibit me from powerfully moving forward?
Have my dreams shifted purposefully or faded away?
Do those in my life know how deeply I love them?
Am I allowing the artist in me to be fully expressed?
Have I apologized to the people I've wronged?
Am I dancing in the rain or running for shelter?
Am I lifting others up and helping them reach their potential?
Do my children know their presence in this world is my greatest gift?
Will I make the most of the time I have left?
Will I have the courage to live the rest of my life in accordance with my values?
At every tick of the clock, am I being the truest expression of me?

Thursday, January 5, 2012

A Novel New Year

For my first post of the New Year, I'm not going to bore you with any of the normal BS like resolutions or things I hope to accomplish before the next ball drops (heads out of the gutter, people, the one in Times Square). Nope, I've got far more interesting news.

I know, amazing, right? No? Okay, fine. This may not be the most exciting thing you've heard so far this year, I mean, Michele Bachmann just "suspended her campaign" (bullshit way of saying, "dropped out of the race" - she probably learned it from Sarah Palin who "suspended her governorship") and Tim Tebow's conversations with Jesus have led my beloved Denver Broncos to the playoffs, but I hope we can all agree the fact that I FINISHED THE NOVEL I STARTED LAST JANUARY!!! is pretty damn exciting.

I'm currently editing and wondering why things are going so smoothly. Could it be that the more you write, the better you get? Or is it something more intangible, like luck mixed with determination sprinkled with more luck? Either way, I'm grateful. This was a difficult and cathartic book to write, and I'm excited to usher it into the world.

My cats, Mia (top) and Emma (bottom), still hate each other. I'm not being melodramatic, it's true. They can't stand the fact that the other exists on the same planet, never mind in the same house. We've tried everything, new toys, Pounce (aka Kitty Crack), whispering in their ears, scratching them under the chin, and blasting Stray Cats music, but nothing has worked. We even promised them each a new car (a Jaguar or Cougar), but they acted as if they could care less. Any tips on how to bond a friendship between two, female felines would be freaking fantastic.

Also, the countdown is on for a 10-day Caribbean cruise with my honey and my parents! Four weeks from this Friday we leave for Ft. Lauderdale. (What's with all the "f" words, you ask? I have no fucking clue!)

I've been asked by the Academy to keep my comments short, so that's all for now, folks. I hope 2012 brings you all the goodies you deserve. And, on behalf of insane people and comedians everywhere, let me say, "Palin-Bachmann - 2016!"

And one more thing... HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ETHAN!!! I love you bunches and bunches x infinity.

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