Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Hidden in Plain Sight

Sometimes what (or in this case, who) you're looking for is hidden in plain sight.

Most of you know I am a writer, but you may not know I also have a small interior design business. As an interior designer, I have a theory: often times you have what you need. It might be a lamp, a small table, a vase, or a chair, but whatever it is, you often already possess it. Look around. You might not see it at first, because it's being used in another capacity or in a room with different decor. However, many times, what you need is already there. All it takes to find it is your imagination and the ability to see things in a new light.

This is what I've done, except not with a lamp or a vase or a chair. It's what I've done with my life partner. 

As some of you know, I was in a relationship with SG (Special Guy) who I met less than six weeks after my ex left. When we met, I was an emotional disaster. SG was wonderful and made me feel special. He held me as I cried rivers of tears and told me everything would be alright. "These things take time," he said. He knew from experience. He'd been through it himself. His kind words and gentle touches helped heal a small part of the painful hole in my heart. 

But, two months ago, I broke up with SG. I realized I needed to be on my own, date other guys, and spread my wings. I'd never lived alone and never dated much, since my ex and I got together when we were both very young. I joined Match.com and dated. A lot. I went on 15 dates in six weeks and enjoyed every one of them.

One night I was out on a date with a nice, Jewish doctor from New York. Between a bite of spicy tuna roll and a sip of hot sake, it hit me: I already had what (who) I was searching for. In an instant, everything seemed clear. I could barely wait to end the (quite lovely) date I was on and speak to my ex-boyfriend. I hoped he missed me, would forgive me for leaving, and would take me back.

I'd posted on my Match.com profile that, "I'll know you're the one when you hold me in your arms and I feel like I'm home."

My ex-boyfriend came over that night and we held each other tight. I sunk into his arms and knew I was home.

This two year journey from when my ex-husband left until now has been the most challenging and enlightening time of my life. My boyfriend (yes, we are back together again, and this time for good!), kids, parents, sisters, and a few, close friends lifted me up, dusted me off, and time after time, pointed me in the right direction. Also, many of you wrote inspiring words of encouragement on my blog or Twitter, and for that I will always be grateful.

So, what or who in your life are you "missing?" What or who is hidden in plain sight? Look around. You may be surprised.

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Goddess of My Existence or Time For Me to Fly

I am in a period of great transition and growth. I am "coming alive," feeling the winds of change blowing; the Earth spinning beneath my feet.

Experiencing life by myself for the first time in over 30 years is one of the greatest gifts imaginable. I am allowing my direction to flow naturally and my spirit to soar purely and authentically. As someone  smart once told me, I am learning to, "Move my brilliant ass out of the way and let the magic happen!

In keeping with listening to the (non-psychotic) voices from within (I do my best to ignore the truly crazy ones)...

I purchased a used Baldwin upright piano (pics to follow after it's delivered). Baldwin, by the way, is the name of the town I grew up in on Long Island; a place where I had a ridiculously happy childhood. Coincidence? Maybe. But I'm inclined to believe less in coincidence as I grow older. 

I am dating in a powerful and fun way. It is a treat to be with people and listen to where they are along their journey, all the while searching for "the one" I will share the second half of my life with. 

I've been dancing like no one's watching (which, unless there are holes in my walls I'm unaware of, they're not) and getting a huge amount of joy (and cardio work-outs!) from it. Music moves me like nothing else, yet I've pushed it away in order to heal. Maybe the next step will be to start writing songs again? I hope so. That would be truly wonderful. 

I am spending time with my cat, Emma, who emulates all things Zen.

I've been offered a publishing contract with an independent publisher that I am considering.

And, I am enjoying the sweet melodies in the peace that surrounds me; beautiful sounds I've successfully muted much of my life.

Next month will be exactly two years since my 7.5 magnitude emotional earthquake. I was told it takes two years to get over such an event, and from my present vantage point, I would have to agree. I am finally feeling whole again; happy, calm, and totally at peace with the unknown that lies ahead. What I do know is I get to create the direction of my life. I am the artist yielding the brush; the writer holding the quill; the sculptor molding the clay. I am the goddess of my existence, able to sprinkle magic dust wherever and however I please.
With friends and family lifting me up with their ever-present love and support, I feel safe and able to spread my wings. In the words of REO Speedwagon, "I believe it's time for me to fly."

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