Monday, March 28, 2011

Changing Teams

Changing teams is something I've considered for a long time, even before my husband and I split. [TMI] I'd ponder what it would be like to run my hands over a totally different, yet strangely familiar body; to take the time to know the inner workings of a similar mind; to spend days getting to know each other, touching each other, and trying to see what the younger generation takes for granted: that you don't have to be opposites to attract.

What the hell, it's 2011. People have let their guards down. It happen all the time. It's no longer taboo. You see it everywhere, right? Like on TV, in cafes, on airplanes, and, of course, in the privacy of bedrooms. I've always thought it looked sexy and admit I've been tempted, but it was never the right time or place and, to be honest, I wasn't sure if it was for me. Plus, what would my family think? My friends, neighbors, employer? [You work for yourself, you dumbass.]

Eff them. I'm not getting any younger, so I figured, what the heck! I may as well give it a shot. Life's too short to miss out on "true love" or to worry about what others think. Therefore, I've thrown caution to the wind and jumped on this new and exciting bandwagon. That's right, my friends, I've officially changed teams! [BFD. I'd rather watch water boil.]

My new girlfriend's smoking hot, unbearably sexy, and loves my every touch and caress. I can barely stand to leave her alone for a minute. In fact, she's so tantalizing, my boyfriend's not even jealous. He says he doesn't mind as long as he can get it on a bit of that spicy two-on-one action from time to time, and, who am I to deny him such a "Bucket List" opportunity? [If you left him alone with your new squeeze, his experience would be far more memorable.]

I'm sure, by now, you're dying to see a picture of the object of my affection. I've asked her if I could post a photo, but unlike Charlie Sheen or Lindsay Lohan, she's not an attention whore. She thinks that's "Losing!" not "Winning!" However, she acquiesced when I told her I'd let her pose naked. (She's a free spirit; hates wearing clothes.) Oh, and did I mention she's quite a bit younger than me? [Cradle robber.] I figured if guys can go after sweet, young things, why can't I? [You know you can do jail time for that, right?]

So, ladies and gentlemen, here she is... My latest piece of glorious arse; the love of my life; a gal who loves doing it in positions I didn't even know existed:

So, what do you think? Pretty awesome, right? Oh, wait, sorry, I posted the wrong picture. That's me about three months ago. [BWAHAHAHAHA!]

Hold on, I promise it'll be worth your wait. My real new squeeze is WAY hotter than Ms. Brown Bikini over there.

Okay, folks, here she is in all her naked glory! Ms Sophia Mariella Julietta MacBook Pro!!!!! (She's a full-figured 13 inches, but that's alright. Heck, my last love had nearly 15 inches, and I had no problems handling that!)

I know, gorgeous, right? And, trust me when I tell you, the things she can do would make a sailor blush. I can barely wait to explore her ins and outs, so to speak, so that we can give each other the fullest amounts of pleasure known to mankind. [Your "girlfriend" is a freaking computer? WHAT a let down, not that I'm surprised. I mean, what gorgeous lipstick lesbian would be lame enough to be with you?]

If you'll excuse me, it's getting a bit warm in here. I think I need a quickie with the new object of my affection. And, although I gave up smoking years ago, I just may need a cigarette after our little tryst...

What about you? Have you changed teams? Are you glad you did it? Tell me all the juicy details if you dare.

31 comments:

Laura Matthews said...

Hahaha, hysterical! I knew you had something up your sleeve with this one...

jasouders said...

Bwahahaha! Have fun with the new computer. :D

Indigo said...

Let me know how she works out. I might jump on board at some point. I'm kind of trepid about leaving HP but if the quality of love is far more tantalizing I might be won over. (Hugs)Indigo

Debra Lynn Lazar said...

Laura, Glad you liked it. It was a fun one to write!

Debra Lynn Lazar said...

jasouders, I'll do my best, my dear. Life's short - it's important to experiment. ;-)))

Debra Lynn Lazar said...

Indigo, I'm just beginning to fall in love, but I'm sure the quality of the relationship will improve exponentially over time.

Stacia Kelly said...

OMG, love it! Changed teams a while back and there will be no going back! In fact, just told Nick he could move my new PC to pup's desk since I really don't use it and he needs something faster for design & school. When that one dies....it's a complete MAC house except for Nick's stuff :D

Nick said...

The ultimate bait and switch. Funny post!

Tawna Fenske said...

You had me going there for awhile! :)

I've been bi (what?! cross-platform w/ Mac and PC) for years and years. It's mostly because I've done a lot of graphic design work and in the jobs I've held, the company often deems it worthwhile for me to have both a Mac and a PC. For the longest time, I had both at home, too. Then my Mac died last fall, and I had to seriously consider how I wanted to replace it. Though I've loved Macs for years and would have preferred that if all things were equal, I just couldn't justify spending three times as much as I'd spend buying a cheap little Acer laptop.

I've been happy with my decision so far, but time will tell!

Tawna

P.S. Your new girlfriend IS hot.

Anonymous said...

What a tease, here I thought you were joining the GOP.

Keith.

Michaele Stoughton said...

Sexy, touching and two-on-one action.
Blushing, I thought, "Wow! Debra's got a little T and A!"
Ha! It turns out, Debra's got all 26 letters!
Ba-dum-ch.
Sorry. I know, it was a bad joke.

Linda G. said...

ROF,L! Okay, you totally had me going there for a minute. I was composing SUCH and open-minded comment in my head as I was reading. But now that I know you mean a Mac...sorry. You're dead to me. ;)

Karen Walker said...

OMG, this made me laugh out loud. I changed teams about two months ago and am totally in love with my MacBook Pro. It's an awesome machine. You'll love her.
Karen

Suzanne said...

Hi Deb, My attention was riveted.
I just got a MAC 17" but haven't totally switched...no Quicken and a few other things. I am looking at her now and she's real pretty. Let's compare notes!

Solvang Sherrie said...

Omigosh you crack me up! I've been on Macs all my life and I will never switch teams :P

Talei said...

Hell YES. I changed teams almost 18months ago. And I haven't looked back. Team MAC all the way!

Angie Ledbetter said...

Oh.My.Goodness. Hope you enjoy getting to know your new love! :D

Me...I'm sticking with the tried and true. I'll love my non-fruit-icon 'puter man.

Jemi Fraser said...

Hot!! :)

I've considered making the switch as well - can't wait to hear how it goes for you! :)

Lisa Gail Green said...

ONG LOVE THIS POST! I changed over to the Mac team long ago and have never looked back. ;D

June G said...

Love a MAC and use it most of the time, but I'm "bi" myself. My PC is always at the ready...You naughty girl you...*shaking head* hee hee hee...

Fragrant Liar said...

I've been totally thinking about switching teams. We've been in the middle of a PC/Mac war for so long, and having worked recently on a Mac, I think I'm in love. Sssshhhh, don't tell my PC. She knows way too much about me.

Debra Lynn Lazar said...

I'm getting a huge charge out of the comments on this post. So glad I got your juices flowing. I'll keep you posted on the progress I make with my hot, new girlfriend, though, I might have to put a warning on my blog that reads, "You must be 18 to enter!"

Samantha Sotto-Yambao said...

LOL. You know what they say - once you go Mac, you can't go back ;-)

Vegas Linda Lou said...

You freakin' tease, you! (BTW, I think you're pretty hot...)

Sandra Cormier said...

I've been a Mackie all my computer life but I keep a little HP mini on the side, just to keep my ancient PowerBook G4 in line.

Marisa Birns said...

Oh, yes. I changed teams several years ago and never regretted it. Matter of fact, family and friends have changed teams, too, so don't have to worry about them disapproving.

Enjoy the honeymoon...and the marriage!

Anita said...

I thought, Good for her, letting her hair down!

In a way, I'm switching up life...checking out epublishing instead of going down the traditional path I was headed. Again, life's short. What the heck.

Elizabeth Varel said...

Ha ha! Great post. I changed teams about five years ago. Now when you try to use a PC you will be extremely annoyed. Once you go Mac you never go back!!!

salarsenッ said...

This was hysterical!! I'm so getting that new brown bikini via a spanking new Mac Book Pro! Thanks for the friend on FB. I'm a new member of your bandwagon, now.

Daisy Whitney said...

HIlarious!!!

Laura Marcella said...

Ahahaha, this is such a good post!

I've been on the Apple team since I was 5! That was when my parents bought our first family computer, and we've always had Macs.

My laptop is a 12" PowerBook G4. His name is Leonardo and he's seven years old. Whew! That's ancient for a computer. But he's never betrayed me, and I hope to continue our wonderful love affair for many years ahead!

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