Thursday, October 7, 2010

I've Come to the Sea or What I Learned on my Autumn Vacation

I had one goal while in Mexico: to leave the past behind and get on with my life. And, I'm happy to report, I achieved my goal.

To sum it up, let me start by saying that when I was around 20 years old, I created a "safe song," meaning whenever I'd hear a song in my head that I hated, I'd replace it with a particular song I loved. It was a way to reprogram my mind. (As a musician, hearing music I don't like is like rubbing salt in an open wound times a thousand. Painful doesn't begin to describe it.) The wonderful song I chose to replace the bad one with was, "Friends" from Led Zeppelin's third album:

I'm tellin' you, now
The greatest thing you ever can do, now

Is trade a smile with someone who's blue, now
It's very easy, it's very easy

Before my vacation, I was watching Jenny McCarthy on Oprah. (Stick with me, I swear this will all come together.) When asked about how she was doing after her split from Jim Carrey, she said, "I've learned so many great lessons. One is, I'm the total hot fudge sundae. If a great guy comes along, then it's like I've got extra whipped cream and hot fudge, but it's not necessary. I'm a complete sundae all by myself." (Or words to that effect.)

That stuck with me, and when I was in Mexico, I was having a conversation with my sister, Laurie, about my "safe song" and the Jenny M. interview.

"You need a safe word!" she said, referring to how my mind kept obsessing about my recent situation. "How about hot fudge sundae?"

And, there it was. Hot Fudge Sundae. Transformation.

Now, every time I go to that dark place I think, "Hot fudge sundae!" (HFS) and snap myself out of debilitating, life-sucking thoughts and back into the present and my infinite blessings. (If you're in a "stuck" place in life, figure out what your HFS is. Trust me, it's the greatest gift you can give yourself.)

Here are a couple of clips from Cabo. The first was taken on our last day there. Laurie and I were sitting by one of the four, magnificent pools at the resort and she was interviewing me about what I got out of the trip. (Now you'll understand the HFS reference!) The second is a poem I wrote while staring out at the sea from my balcony. Again, it's my beautiful sister, Laurie, behind the camera. The lyrics are posted just below the link, and the picture is of a rock we named, "Lion Rock," which is referenced in the poem.

(This is a picture of Laurie and I. I'll be posting more pics from the trip on my FB page if you're interested.)

Here goes:

What I Learned on My Autumn Vacation

I've Come to The Sea

I’ve come to the sea to see about me
To feel my great power, to set myself free
I’ve come to the sea to hear the waves moan
To wrap me inside them and bring me back home
I’ve come to the sea where my spirits can dance
On white crests of heaven, on Lion Rock’s past

I’ve come to the sea to leave deep parts behind
Parts that are tainted and haunting my mind
I’ve come to the sea where my heart comes alive
To see through to truth so my soul may survive
I’ve come to the sea where the mystic waves reign
And the magic chants whisper a love I can’t name

I come to the sea where the sun and clouds meet
Rejoice in their majesty, make me complete
I come to the sea when my heart is in pain
A breath that is ancient restores me again
I come to the sea where my soul’s angels fly
And my heart, it is healing, through wondrous tides

I come to the sea to feel myself soar
Awaken my core as the waves kiss the shore
I come to the sea where I find life again
Sand castles beckoning suffering’s end
I come to the sea, on my spirits I call
They hold me up high upon nothing at all

I come to the sea where my soul beats its drum
To a rhythm of tides that cannot come undone
I come to the sea to find much that I’ve lost
To remind me to sing my own song at all costs
I come to the sea to sleep peaceful and calm
To hear the sea’s wisdom, be rocked in its arms

I come to the sea where my mind is at peace
Waves whisper, “Let go, let your soul be released”
I’ve come to the sea where my heart is on fire
Dancing a tango of love and desire
I come to the sea to find truth in a wave
And feel magical, passionate light shine my way

I come to the sea to feel cleansed and complete
To see I am all that I ever will need
I’ve come to the sea where my family dwells
In their vision and warmth I am perfectly held
I’ve come to the sea to let go of the nights
That are holding me back, choking me tight
I’ve come to the sea so at home I can start
To give my love freely to those in my heart
I’ve come to the sea where my joy comes alive
For the sea is the place I’ve adored for all time

JCK. 10.3.10


Jessie said...

beautiful poem! you gave me chills.

Debra L. Schubert said...

Thanks, Jessie. I'm so glad you liked it.

Robin said...

I watched both of your pieces of youtube footage. You looked so relaxed in the first one. So glad that you found your HFS. It is amazing that all we need is a reminder of what we have and are to reclaim ourselves. The poem was beautiful. That vacation allowed you to open up and let the bad stuff out in order to let the good stuff in. You can't have both. There isn't enough room. You have to decide. I am so happy that you decided to let go of the bad in exchange for the good!!!! It will be so exciting to meet this new Debra. I know she is going to be so amazing. More amazing than even she knows!!!!!!!

Debra L. Schubert said...

Robin, I appreciate your kind words. Thanks for being there and supporting me through this difficult period. You are such a sweetheart.

Buffy Andrews said...

Awesome poem. I love, love, love it! I love to eat hot fudge sundaes and my hot fudge sundae place is the beach. That's where my mind goes when it needs to black out the bad or bothersome. I'm glad to see you are working through your personal pain and that, like the ocean, you have incredible strength and power. Blessings, Buffy

Amy Sue Nathan said...

I've had a 'safe place' in my mind since I was a teenager, something to replace thoughts that either bother, distract or paralyze me. It enables me to redirect and go somewhere else. Somewhere better. You are awesome!!!

Linda G. said...

Lovely. And that hot fudge sundae ain't bad, either. :)

Debra L. Schubert said...

Buffy, So glad you love the poem. It was one of those that poured out quickly - I had to go find scraps of paper to write it on!

Debra L. Schubert said...

Amy, Good for you for having a safe place since you were a teenager. I guess I'm lucky I didn't need one until recently. Hugs to you, my friend.

Debra L. Schubert said...

Linda, Yeah, HFS's rock!!!

Kimberly Franklin said...

Beautiful poem! And those pictures are beautiful too! Mostly that hot fudge sundae. YUM! Hope you had a great vacation!

WendyCinNYC said...

I'm glad you had such a great trip, Debra. Sounds like your creativity got a boost as well. Lovely poem.

Debra L. Schubert said...

Kim, Thanks, the vacation was beyond amazing. ;-)

Debra L. Schubert said...

Wendy, It was a much-needed break for sure!

Bianca @ Talking Writing said...

I love the idea of having a safe song - and safe word. Lovely poem.

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