As you probably know, I've been working on the fourth draft of my YA novel. The change in POV from 3rd person to 1st person has been a blessing in that it has done much to bring the story brilliantly to life. However, it has also been a curse.
Why a curse? Because I thought it would be a breeze, I mean, I know the story, right? What I didn't realize is that this change requires not just edits, but an entire rewrite.
Rewrites are good, right? (Try saying that fast five times!) I'm a writer - I write. What's the big deal?
And yet, it's been a very big deal. It's been difficult. I've been resisting the process. It's been harder than I thought. Wah. Wah. Wah. (Yes, I would like some cheese with my whine.)
Why? Because I'm a Type A, Control Freak. I need to know exactly how the latest rewrite is going to end, AND I thought I did. After all, I've written the story three times already, right? So, how come I'm having trouble?
Because I'm forcing it and am convinced I already "know" how it should go. I should be able to whip this baby out in no time at all. I'M NOT GIVING THE NEW REWRITE THE OPPORTUNITY TO BE NEW! I'm moving forward as if I know something I don't.
And then it hit me...
I'm not "being" with the fog, with the fuzziness, with the unknown. I'm not allowing the process to continue to naturally take shape. The story is exactly where it needs to be, I'm just too stupid/control-freak-ish to realize it.
As with all writing, I need to step boldly into the uncertainty that is the creative process. Expect the unexpected. Admit defeat before I fight. That way, I may be less likely to wage an necessary war.
Now that I can see the fog of resistance being lifted, I'm going to move forward and embrace the creative process again. I will no longer endeavor to put words into my character's mouths. I'm going to let them do the talking, and the acting, and whatever it is they do. I'm going to move my brilliant ass out of the way and let the real magic take place.
Just like I did with my hair recently, I'm going to let my story straighten itself out until it falls beautifully into place.
What about you? Have you had an "aha!" moment lately? Have you been forcing your character's hand because you think you know better? Are you resisting the magnificence and mystery that is the creative process?
BTW, the outdoor pictures posted here are of my backyard Wednesday morning (fog) and afternoon (no more fog - how appropriate!). The hair pics are me "before" and "after" my keratin treatment on Tuesday. ;-)