Monday, April 19, 2010

SUBLIMINAL MONDAY: It's Party Time! [Writers are masochistics. Pass me a Valium]

Cue your favorite music - it's PARTY TIME! Why? Because I finished Draft #4, baby!!! [Nobody cares.] What a freaking relief that was! The key was definitely the simmering. I may not have a clue in the kitchen, but with my story, I can simmer like a rock star. ["May not have a clue in the kitchen" = understatement of the millennium.]

I will read through my finished novel once more out loud to my kitties and my muse, and then I'll send it off to Awesome Agent for her praise and compliments. [My name is Debbie, and I am delusional. I haven't had a delusion in, oh wait, never mind.]

Now that I'm done trudging through the Valley of Pain and Suffering, I can say this without hesitation: Writing is fun! I can't wait to do it again! It's easy; everyone should try it! [All writers are masochists. Pass me a Valium.]

Since Draft #4's in the history books, I no longer have to spend every spare moment banging my head trying to figure out how to bring the plot together or how to tie up loose ends. I'll read through once more with only the lightest of edits [see above SM re: delusions], and pass it along to AA for her shimmering stamp of approval. ["Hmm, pumpkin. It's good, but you're not quite there yet..."]

Then, we'll sell it for big bucks and I'll retire to a chalet in the south of France, or perhaps a mega-large beach-front cottage in Tahiti, or a penthouse suite in NYC's Upper West Side., or maybe Richard Branson will sell me his island in the Caribbean, (or at least time-share it with me). I'll become one of the "beautiful people" hobnobbing with the rich and famous, and will have to wear shades and a baseball cap just to get my mail. [That is SOOOO unrealistic! DUH!!! I'd HIRE someone to pick up my mail.] Anyway, you get the picture. I'll have it made in the shade, become a fat cat, be sitting pretty, or INSERT FAVORITE CLICHE HERE.

Back to the Land of Reality...

When I finished the fourth draft, I asked myself this deep, philosophical question: If you were a trust fund baby &/or won the lottery, would you continue to write? Surprisingly, the answer was, "Yes!" [Liar, liar pants on fire.] But not because of the usual writer BS of, "ohmygod, I couldn't live if I didn't write!" Hell, no! I'd live, and I'd be just fine. I might even have a tan, get rid of the fat ass I sit on every day TO WRITE, own clothing other than sweats, and try to get me some "class." [And right after that, I'd join the Tea Party and campaign for my girl, Sarah!]

And what would I do with all that "extra" time? Read, which would make me only slightly less boring than when I write. [Impossible.] So, what's the point? I may as well write, right? [Wrong. Pay close attention: NOBODY CARES.]

So, what about you? What would you do if you were a gazillionaire? Would you still write or would you do something more fun and less frustrating, like say, watching the grass grow? [And don't say you have to write or you'll die, because unless you're Stephen King (who I'LL BE MEETING IN PERSON THURSDAY NIGHT!!!), no one believes that crap.]

I've got VIP tix to see Stephen King and The Rock Bottom Remainders this Thursday, which means, I get to meet the band for an hour & a half before the show starts. My son, Adam, will be my date. Oh yeah, there will be a blog post!!!!!!!

42 comments:

Summer said...

I think I would write, but probably not as much. I'd be spending too much time jetting around the world, drinking expensive cocktails, and buying first-editions, not to mention dropping a few G's every time I visited the bookstore.

If I was wealthy, I'd probably read a lot more than I do now...and that's saying something. :-)

Debra L. Schubert said...

Summer, I like the way you think. I'll wave to you in the sky from my private Leer jet. ;-)

Karen Walker said...

Congratulations on finishing your fourth draft, Deb. Awesome. Hmm, if I were rich, hubby would probably retire sooner than 8 more years and we'd travel much more than one big trip a year. My notebooks would always be with me. So I guess I'd still be writing. I'm kinda lucky writing isn't a career for me. I never expected to make money from it. It would be wonderful if I did, but I'm not counting on it.
Karen

Julie said...

I would absolutely write, because writing is how I process the world and I get a little (more) nutso when I don't write. BUT I'd buy a publishing house and publish my own work (if I felt like it) and publish my friend's writing. There is so much wonderful work that struggles to find a home. I'd love to be part of the solution to that problem with my billions and billions of dollars... from my beach home, of course. Sushi served daily. ;)

Linda Godfrey said...

I would write, yes, but only what I wanted to. No more work-for-hires to make the car payment. And I would have a fabuloso office and an assistant. In the winter I would write from some place warm.

Sigh, such a nice dream to start Monday!

Now I have a pile of work-for-hires to do.

Caroline Starr Rose said...

Congrats on finishing #4. I care!

Please tell us all about the Rock-Bottom Remainders.

Kimberly Franklin said...

I would definitely still write. I mean, how else would I become an uber famous celebrity, who gets to cast hot boys for MCs in big screen novel adaptations? Duh. Lol.


Love SM Monday!!!

Debra L. Schubert said...

Karen, Travel is the number one thing I want to do a whole lot more of. This world is so vast, and it's so easy to get stuck in our own little boxes. Can't wait to drink in some of the magnificence that's out there. ;-)

Debra L. Schubert said...

Julie, "I'd buy a publishing house and publish my own work (if I felt like it) and publish my friend's writing." Where do I sign? ;-)

Debra L. Schubert said...

Linda, You wouldn't HAVE a car payment! I love your Monday morning dreams. Beautiful.

Debra L. Schubert said...

Caroline, I promise I'll write all about it after the show Thursday night. CAN'T WAIT!!!

Debra L. Schubert said...

Kim, "how else would I become an uber famous celebrity, who gets to cast hot boys for MCs in big screen novel adaptations?" Great question. I love the way you think. ;-)

Sybir St. John said...

I'd write. But, I'd also be redesigning the house :)

Sharla said...

OMG can you get Stephen King to touch something and then tear it in a million pieces and mail us all a tiny piece of his karma??

I'm so jealous...um...I mean envious. LOL! You go girl! And maybe he'll introduce you to other famous people and you'll blend in and forget to come home because people are paying for you to live and breathe, and before you know it you'll be one of those baseball cap/shade wearing pretty people that we all wave to and whisper about.

Heeeee!!!!!!

Shannon O'Donnell said...

Huge congrats on finishing your 4th draft!!!

I would definitely keep writing, but I would probably quit my teaching job so I could write full time (or whenever I felt like it).

BTW, so so soooooo jealous of you meeting Stephen King! :-)

Laura Marcella said...

Of course I'd write if I became a gazillionaire! If I didn't, I'd just DIE!

Kidding. But yes, I would write. I'd use a diamond pen in my diamond notebook and type on my diamond laptop. I'd be wearing one of those Victoria's Secret diamond bras as I wrote. No one ever said writing was a girl's best friend, but diamonds...now that's where it's at!

Congrats on finishing your 4th draft, Debra!

Ruthanne Reid said...

Congraaaaaats! :D Knew you could do it.

Gazillionaire would mean my own apartment in NYC... so I could write in it.

I believe that is the definition of pathetic.

B. Miller said...

OMG I'm soooooo envious of your tickets. I would LOVE to see the Rock Bottom Remainders - and to get to meet the band and "hang out" with them before the concert would be... ah... I think I might die of happiness.

Congrats on finishing draft #4! Good luck with getting it out there. :D

Katie Ganshert said...

I would write MORE if I was a gazillionaire. Because one, I'd quit my day job. And two, I'd hire somebody to do all our cooking and cleaning.

I'd have loads more time to spend with my hubby and my son AND write, which sounds heavenly.

And I'd get to do research the proper way. No more of this internet research. I'd fly off to whichever direction I chose all in the name of research.

I write because my brain would explode if I didn't write. I have way too many thoughts zooming through my brain and it would become engorged and useless if I didn't get the thoughts out.

Katie Ganshert said...

Oh, and congrats on finishing your fourth draft!

Kelly said...

Congrats on the fourth draft finish!
Have fun with Stephen King! Wow! Yes, please blog about it!!!

Linda Pressman said...

I'd create one of those conglomerate writer names, like where books are published under my name but they're actually written by a team! (Not really)

First I'd rescue my poor husband from the store that we own. Then we'd build a house with a view. Or a couple houses with views. Then, if our children ever finish growing up, we'd travel! Oh, and write. Yeah, I forgot writing. ha ha.

Debra L. Schubert said...

Sybir, OMG, I couldn't agree more - I'd go decorating CRAZY!!!

Debra L. Schubert said...

Sharla, "...get Stephen King to touch something and then tear it in a million pieces and mail us all a tiny piece of his karma?"

So funny! I'll hand him one of those cocktail napkins and be sure to get it back. ;-)

Debra L. Schubert said...

Shannon, Definition of Heaven: Having all your bills paid and writing for the pure joy of it whenever you feel like it. ;-)

Debra L. Schubert said...

Laura, The diamond VS bra would be an absolute necessity. So glad you thought of it. ;-)

Debra L. Schubert said...

Ruthanne, An apt in NYC so you could write is the opposite of pathetic. It's fantastically, magnificently, freakingly, terrifically awesome.

Debra L. Schubert said...

B, I'll do my best not to die of happiness, but I can't make any promises. ;-)

Debra L. Schubert said...

Katie, Our becoming rich and famous writers would be a huge boost to the economy. Cooks, gardeners, house cleaners, pool boys, etc. It'd help so many - what a beautiful thing.

Debra L. Schubert said...

Kelly, Thanks, honey! I'll give Stephen your best. ;-)

Debra L. Schubert said...

Linda, Wait, did you say children grow up? I can only hope... [My parents would beg to differ.]

WendyCinNYC said...

I would still write. Absolutely!

steve said...

I would write. Not because I'd die otherwise... I have lived a great many years without, and a great many with. But I'd write because I have stories I'd like to tell. If I didn't have to work to live, it would free me up to write more of the time than I do, and illustrate, and even animate. And that would be so lovely. I'd like to think I'd do all of the above until I couldn't do it any longer.

Debra L. Schubert said...

Wendy, Of course you would, and you would continue to kick serious booty at it. ;-)

Debra L. Schubert said...

Steve, Art is in the soul. Manifesting it in the world is our job and our joy as artists. ;-)

Jennifer Walkup said...

Yep. Def. I don't think I'd ever stop writing. And congrats on finishing draft 4! Whoo hoo!

Debra L. Schubert said...

Jennifer, Thanks - it feels so good to be done w/#4! ;-))

Tawna Fenske said...

Huge congrats on finishing the draft!

You know, this is a good question about whether I'd keep writing if I won big. Back when I had a normal day job and I fantasized about winning the lottery, the answer would have been a resounding "hell no!" if you asked whether I'd keep my job.

But now that I actually have a book deal and potential to make a real career out of this writing thing, I honestly don't think I'd give it up even if I did win the lottery.

Huh. Never thought of that before. Thanks for making me ponder it!

Tawna

LR said...

I'd lie around in bed all day like Brian Wilson and maybe re-read all the classics. :)

jdcoughlin said...

How can you blog about whether you would write or not write and then drop the bomb about meeting the King and the backstage passes and all that? You have such an amazing life. If you didn't write, you wouldn't be a bit less boring, but I would because I couldn't tell friends what's going on in your life these days. So post on girl. I want to hear all about your big night. Is Amy Tan still playing with him?

Anita said...

Uh, where's the KING post??? Now we're all going to think you're dead or have become a groupie.

Damyanti said...

I am a gaziollionaire....and still writing :D

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