Saturday, January 23, 2010

SUBLIMINAL MONDAY: Olympic Level Writing

Watching Olympic level figure skaters this weekend made me think about my writing. If these wonderful young athletes [16 years old? Are you freaking kidding me? I freaking HATE THEM!] can rise from slumber long before dawn and practice hours at a time from about five minutes after they burst from the womb, then why can't I write for 4-8 hours each and every day? [Because that would assume a thing called "discipline" which, if my bathroom scale could talk, would tell you is sorely missing from my life.]

My main problem is distractions. Annoying phone calls from Stephen King pleading for writing tips [who do you think helped him write, "On Writing?"] and emails from Hollywood film agents needing option and casting advice distract me and get in the way of my precious writing time. [Actual distractions include Twitter, spider solitaire, frequent chocolate breaks, and napping]. I've considered hiring an assistant to field calls from Stephen and Hollywood, but haven't found the spare time to advertise. [BWAHAHA! What would I have an assistant do - surf the internet for pictures of Ashton Kutcher to add to my collection? Hmm, not a bad idea...]

So, in order to step up my writing game to Olympic levels, I've decided to make some changes. After all, you do not become an Olympic champion overnight. Here's my game plan:

1) VLOGGING: I'm going to start vlogging. What is vlogging, you ask? It's video blogging. You'll click on my video and listen to me talk. Isn't that like totally mega-fabulous? [Snore.] I plan to have my first vlog up later this week.

In order to accommodate this leap into modern technology, I bought a Flip Ultra HD. Ain't she pretty? Yes, folks, I'll be imparting vitally important information about writing via the magic of a cell-phone-sized video camera. If you're nice, I may even serenade you with an original song or two. [More snoring.] Let me know what types of things you'd like me to discuss, and be sure to keep your requests G-Rated. After all, my parents read my blog religiously. [2-3 times a year when I visit them and guilt them into it.]

2) NO TWITTER 'TIL NOON!: In order to fully concentrate on my work, I'm not turning Twitter on until noon. Talk about a MAMMOTH sacrifice. [I get up at eleven, so it's really no big deal.]

3) EATING LESS SWEETS: I'm cutting back on my enormous daily intake of sugar. You may not understand how the intricate complexities of less sugar ties in with upping my writing game since this is quite a complicated physiological matter, so let me explain. [I've no flipping idea.] When you take life to a whole new level, you need less sugar. Less sugar = more sustained energy = more and better writing. I swear, this is true. [I made the whole thing up.]

So, there you have it, folks. My new regimen for upping my writing game: vlogging, no tweeting 'til noon, and less sugar. Pretty brilliant, eh? [About as smart as Sarah Palin discussing anything remotely political.]

Although, I think this plan is like totally amazing, dude, my husband's not impressed. Ever since he started training for his first marathon this coming May, he thinks he's all that and a bag of treadmill-shaped chocolate chip cookies Woohoo, big deal, he's running a marathon. [I couldn't run a single block even if a pack of wild wolves were chasing me.] I, on the other hand, am officially in intensive training to be an Olympic-level writer, which is way more incredible than completing a stupid 26.2 mile run. [Are you laughing? Do you think this is some kind of joke?]

So, my dear friends, I'm off to make Olympic-sized lifestyle changes so I can make Olympic-sized literary history. Anyone care to join me? [What? You wouldn't follow me if I were the last person on earth and was dropping $100 bills behind me?]

My special SUBLIMINAL MONDAY gift to you. Click on the link below and enjoy:

Favorite Olympic moment: Torvill and Dean skating their unmatchable dance to Ravel's Bolero, winning them the title of 1984's Olympic winners in ice dancing. Sheer perfection.

65 comments:

Nate said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Nate said...

I can't believe that uber-loser Stephen King is bugging you for help too! [He should just give Scientology a chance]

We'll be waiting for those Vlog posts with bated breath [do you prefer live or stink bait?], but I'd seriously urge reconsideration of the sugar moratorium. There's no room in this world for skinny new writers [all the successful, fat ones are taking up all the space! GASP! I can't BREATHE!]

As for no Twitterpation in the a.m., all I can say is, "you'll be back...on your hands and knees!" [at least I'll know when I can go on without you and that dork Stephen King bugging me for writing tips now!]

Sybir St. John said...

*dies laughing*

Well, no wonder I can't find you on Twitter....you keep @Nick_Kelly hours! ;) *=(you know I love you)

I can't wait to see the vlogging...and am trying to figure that one out myself (not that anyone wants to hear me either ;))

Writing day tomorrow...check in when you're up (since I'm up HOURS before the rest of the sane world).

coffeelvnmom said...

Totally laughed at the Stephen King calling for pointers. Does he ask what his next topic should be for his Entertainment Weekly column too? Major envy over here right now.

And no tweeting 'till noon? You're a stronger woman than I am.

Well I'm off...to eat some more chocolate. I'd like you to think I've been inspired to stay away from it, but that would be lying [which I only do on Subliminal Monday, but it's officially Sunday, so it's a'ight].

As for the diligence to work 4-8 hours on anything, the only thing I ever work on that long is laundry. I love doing laundry, such a relaxing task [it's the worst thing ever].

Tanvi said...

My major distraction is ALWAYS Twitter. *sigh* It's gotten weirdly addictive.

But I like that, no twitter until noon. Going to try that! :D

DebraLSchubert said...

Nate, SK won't back off. I've tried everything: not returning his calls, restraining orders, but nothing works. He's relentless. Vlogging will be fun. [One more venue to make an ass of myself.] And, yes, Twitter will be DebraSchubert-free til noon. [And if you believe that, I've got some swamp land in Florida I'd like to sell you.]

DebraLSchubert said...

Stacia, Please don't die laughing. I'll never lose these five freaking pounds without you. [Hugs]

DebraLSchubert said...

Jessica, Yup, SK wouldn't even be a blimp on the writing map if it weren't for me. And, yes, he does ask my advice for EW columns. [Please, God, don't ever let him read my blog.] And, I completely agree that laundry is like the totally best thing EVER! [Laundry sucks.]

DebraLSchubert said...

Tanvi, No Twitter until noon should be a piece of cake. [Complete and utter fantasy.] Nice to see you here, btw. ;-)

Tanvi said...

Haha. Nawh, I'm always lurking here - which is another distraction, now that I think about it. xD

BTW, yeah, such an absolute piece of cake, I ate it for breakfast and was on Twitter at noon. *shakes head and gets back to ms.doc*

Kaela said...

I recently decided no social networking or reading of other blogs until 11 am, after I've put in three solid hours of work.

Note the time.

Indigo said...

The holidays were the bane of distractions for me. Finally smoothed off the ending to book number 2 (Was bugging me to no end and had more than a couple revisions) and have someone reading over it for me. Still waiting on agent news on Book 1. And...I'm wanting to work on first draft of book 3. And...then the housework starts little avalanches and I'm convinced to be an Olympic writer, I need a maid, a cook, and a dog walker in that order (winks).

Discipline is something I need to work on as well. But considering above 2 books came about since last May/Early June. I'm getting a handle on it. (Hugs)Indigo

Ruthanne Reid said...

This sounds like a fantastic plan to me! Though I hope you don't stop the regular bloggin. I'm one of those people who tends to prefer text to video. ;)

Given that the text is digital, I'm not sure if this makes me a luddite or not.

Discipline is the key! It's why after I've gotten my husband off to work, I sit down and make myself write until my housemate gets up much later. This morning, two thousand words were the payoff.

You can do it! So can I. Thanks again for your fantastic encouragement.

DebraLSchubert said...

Kaela, Three full hours by eleven? Wow. Impressive. [Are you an alien?] Seriously, good for you. ;-)

DebraLSchubert said...

Indigo, You are an inspiration to us all. Two books since May is awesome. [I wish you a maid, cook, and dog walker, in that order.] Hugs to you, my friend.

Elspeth Antonelli said...

Olympic-size dreams? Why not? You need dedication and talent; I think you'll be just fine.

I'm writing this from the area about to host the Winter Olympics. The rings are lit up in our harbour. Giant posters of Olympic athletes are wrapped around many buildings downtown. The venues are ready and athletes are starting to arrive.

The motto being heard everywhere in ads around here is "Do you believe?" How can you not answer
"YES!!!"

DebraLSchubert said...

Ruthanne, You're blowing my mind lately. You really pulled yourself out of a funk and are rocking the writing universe! I'm so proud of you. [You're patently AWESOME!]

Bernadette Baker-Baughman said...

Does this make me your Olympic coach? I do believe that when you accomplish the writing equivalent of the Death Drop Spin, a.k.a. the hardest spin to achieve in figure skating [like I know, I totally had to Wikipedia that one], then we will celebrate with massive brownies. You tell Chuck about the Death Drop Spin, too. Their ain't no Death Drop Spin in marathon running [running, what is that anyway?] Sending much love and good thoughts for your process.

DebraLSchubert said...

Elspeth, How exciting! I absolutely LOVE the Winter Olympics. I'm so excited to watch all the events, but especially the figure skating. Keep us posted on what's happening "on the ground."

"Do you believe?" That's freaking inspiring.

DebraLSchubert said...

BBB, Yes! This makes you my John Nicks [one more thing for you to Google!]. I'm working on putting the Death Spin on TSK - ain't no easy thang. You're right - there's no Death Spin in boring marathon running! I'll be sure to remind my honey. And, ooh - I'm so excited about the BROWNIES!!! [I heart you more than words can say.]

Kelly said...

I'm looking forward to your vlogs (I really, really want you to serenade us!!). I vlogged today! Will try also to do that once in a while.
I'm so with you on the daily sugary intake. I seriously have about four desserts a day! I keep telling myself to limit to 1-2 a day...It's the reason I exercise, so I can eat sweets!
Good luck to you on your Olympic goals!

Daisy Whitney said...

Those are some noble goals! Can't wait to see your vlogs!

DebraLSchubert said...

Kelly, I'll have to practice up, since my guitar and I haven't exactly been "one" with each other for a while. And, let me know if it's possible to survive on only 1-2 desserts a day. If so, maybe I'll give it a shot. [Not!]

DebraLSchubert said...

Daisy, You're the inspiration behind my wanting to vlog - you make it look so easy and fun! My honey's going to help me - we'll see how it goes. [Move over James Cameron!]

Kristin Rae said...

Thanks for the picture of Torvill and Dean! Takes me back to my figure skating days. My former ice dance coach is good friends with Christopher Dean, and used to do their skating tours. Nuts huh? (He's also friends with Kurt Browning, which I am still totally jealous of.)

Good luck cutting back on sweets! I'm trying to do that as well. One thing that sort of "helps" getting around chocolate is drinking a bottle/carton thingie of Chocolate Muscle Milk for breakfast. They're actually pretty good.

Love your subliminal mondays!!

mo.stoneskin said...

I'm sorry old Steven has been bugging you. If you like I'll give him a ring and tell him to shut it?

DebraLSchubert said...

Kristin, You were an ice dancer? OMG. I'm totally in awe. I LOVE figure skating and went to Nationals twice back in the 80's. Did you see the link at the bottom w/the whole Bolero dance? Nothing will ever top that.

I'll have to try the Chocolate Muscle Milk - never heard of it before. And, I'm glad you like SM's. They're fun for me, too. [PRESSURE!]

DebraLSchubert said...

mo, You'd do that for me? You are a real treasure. [Stephen will never leave me alone. He's mesmerized by my awesomeness.]

Voidwalker said...

Ok, if I had a "funniest blog other than my own" award, I'd totally give it to you! You're subliminal madness prompts my cheek muscles get to standin up.

Thanks for your continued hilarious-ness-ity-ness. It's great.

And here I thought Mr. King was only soliciting me for tips... hmph, what a cheater. :P

Ruthanne Reid said...

Aww, thank you!

I have to say, your encouragement is a large part of my fuel. :) If you ever feel down, I hope you know you're positively affecting a lot of people.

kristina said...

Gah! Still chortling over the Sarah Palin comment. I say dearie, you're even more snarky than I...love your blog (like always).

HOWEVER, I'd like to add a voice of reason to this whole pile of shenanigans. Before embarking on anything Olympian, please review Olympic game-wear. Just a short step away from volleyball uniforms, IMHO.

So, good luck with all these endeavors and I'll Fed-Ex you some Cheesecake with one fork. :)

DebraLSchubert said...

Kristina, Sarah's still an easy target.

"I'll Fed-Ex you some Cheesecake with one fork." Don't think I'll let you forget this comment. [I'll hunt you down, I swear, I will!] ;-)

Jeffe Kennedy said...

how scary is it that I remember watching that Torvil & Dean performance live?

I give the Olympic training plan a 9.4! (had to deduct slightly for lack of difficulty. read: vlogging)

Kimberly Franklin said...

I think getting an assistant [You must higher me. You want to higher me!] is a fabulous idea.

Or, maybe you should just higher someone to do your writing for you so you can search for Ashton Kutcher pictures.

yeah, that sounds like more fun. : )

DebraLSchubert said...

Jeffe, I totally remember being mesmerized by the performance. It was, and always will be, BEYOND! And, what do you mean a 9.4? What, you think vlogging is easy? Have you tried working one of those complicated little things? [I haven't tried it yet, but I'm guessing it's not easy. Then again, I may very well be wrong.]

So glad we "found" each other - looking forward to it!

DebraLSchubert said...

Kimberly, If I were ever to get an assistant, you'd be first on my list. I know how you feel about supplying me with chocolate, and really, what better qualifications could anyone have? [Besides actually BEING Ashton Kutcher, that is!]

Kimberly Franklin said...

LOL. YAY! So I can start tomorrow, right?

Good. Going to get your chocolate right now. : )

DebraLSchubert said...

VW, Sorry about your cheeks. [The ones on your face, just to be clear.] I have little control over my hilarious-ness-ity-ness - I was born that way. [Being funny is hard. It takes a ridiculous amount of work.] And yes, Mr. King gets around. [Damn him, I thought I was the only one!] ;-)

DebraLSchubert said...

Kimberly, Yup, you can start tomorrow - 9AM sharp! [I'm sorry, did I say 9AM? I meant noon.] And don't forget the chocolate. [Lest I become crankier than usual.]

Kimberly Franklin said...

I'll be there. Noon. Ashton in tow. Oh, and the chocolate. But with him...who needs chocolate?

coffeelvnmom said...

How hilarious would it be if SK ended up on here... HAHAHA

injaynesworld said...

My house is never so clean as when I'm trying to write. It seems to be the nature of the beast. And Twitter is just Satan. Good luck to you and if it works out, maybe I'll give it a try.

Shelby said...

ok.. waiting on the vlog posts :)

Broke But Still Drinking said...

Be careful, many olympic athletes crack under pressure and end up with needles in their arms and getting arrested for assault.

Marisa Birns said...

It's not noon here. I'm on Twitter, eating a chocolate biscuit, and laughing at your post.

I used to ice skate pretty well when I was a kid. On a lake no less, no handrails.

But now? I'd be skate, skate, skating along holding on to anything and everyone!

Does vlogging mean one has to comb hair?

What! You're dropping $100 bills? Where?

DebraLSchubert said...

Jayne, I don't clean, but I do de-clutter. I can't stand "stuff" around when I write. If you feel the need to clean, feel free to give me a call. [Always willing to have house cleaned by someone else.]

DebraLSchubert said...

Shelby, It's postponed - I found a better deal on Amazon (saved $65, baby!), but will have to wait for it to arrive in the mail. [Sorry for the big tease.] [Good things in life are worth waiting for.]

DebraLSchubert said...

BBSD, Thanks for the warning, but I've already been arrested numerous times for assault and still have needles hanging out of my arms. [Completely false, but makes me sound like a tough, biker chick. How cool is that?]

DebraLSchubert said...

Marisa, You skated on a lake with no handrails? You're my new hero. I got to the point where I could swivel backwards on two skates, and I thought that was SO Peggy Fleming. [My age is showing.] And, by the way, eating chocolate biscuits before noon is the key to happiness. ;-)

Donna B said...

Debra, please stop by my blog for a sweet surprise...

gayle said...

Can't wait to hear the vlog!! When you asked are you laughing....I did have a big smile on my face!!

DebraLSchubert said...

Donna, I'm verklempt. You shouldn't have. [But I'm darn glad you did!]

DebraLSchubert said...

Gayle, I only made you smile? You weren't rolling on the floor in massive hysterics? (*hits head*) I'm such a failure! [I'm glad I made you smile.;-)]

Kristin Rae said...

To answer your question, I used to figure skate and ice dance when I was a teenager. Then I coached for a couple of years in college. The good ol days! lol.

Suzanne said...

You know, I thought Stephen King sounded like he was calling out for help.

However, I must object to the banishment of chocolate...it's a well-known historical fact [I just made it up] that Tolstoy ate gobs of chocolate every day before sitting down to write.

DebraLSchubert said...

Suzanne, Yeah, SK's kind of a whiner. And, that certainly explains Tolstoy's genius. [Chocolate makes you brilliant.]

Jo Treggiari said...

I'm with you on the Twitter and the sugar. I think those are just 'writer' things. Like sneakers and a pedometer are 'marathon runner' things.
I think it's a good idea to cut back (a little) but I think of tweeting and eating a bar of dark, sinful chocolate as small rituals that let me prepare to write. That's my excuse anyway.

Debbie said...

OK, I was with you until the sugar thing and then I thought, "The woman has lost it". You should totally reconsider that part of the plan.

Aidan Donnelley Rowley @ Ivy League Insecurities said...

Love this. The trademark of wisdom and wit. Am contemplating implementing some of my own rules because writing doesn't just happen, does it? Can't wait for the vlog!

DebraLSchubert said...

Jo, I agree w/you - chocolate and Twitter are part of the writing game. [Nothing on Earth could make me give up chocolate. Or Twitter. I'm a hopeless addict.]

DebraLSchubert said...

Debbie, I was SO totally kidding about the sugar! My body would decombust in seconds.[Sugar is my main food group.]

DebraLSchubert said...

Aidan, I'm not kidding when I say I'm madly in love with LAY and I've only read the first few pages. I bow to thee. [Seriously, you rock, girlfriend!]

Fragrant Liar said...

Oh, yeah, Torvill and Dean! I almost didn't read on cuz I was so excited to re-see that footage. Perfection indeed.

Okay, now tell Stephen to back off and give you time to write. He needs to be your Tabitha.

Discipline is the bane of all writers.

DebraLSchubert said...

FL, There will never be a more perfect ice dancing moment. I'll tell SK what you said next time we talk [which is WAY too often!]. And, I agree - along with waiting, discipline is the hardest part. [Good call, Tom Petty. The song would never have worked as well with those lyrics.]

Birgitte Necessary said...

Okay I give up. You have totally guilted me into getting on the trampoline in hopes that it makes me write. So ThAtS aLl FoR nOw. (bounce bounce bounce)

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