Monday, July 27, 2009

Ding Dong the Witch is Dead! Which Old Witch? The Palin Witch!

Well, well, well. My dearest friend, Sarah Palin, who's a legend in her own mind, has stepped down from her high perch as Governor of the Great State of Alaska. Thank God she'll still be able to see Russia from her house! I'm sure that's a relief to the Soviets, and to the national security of our country.

According to Norah O'Donnell of MSNBC news, she used her Twitter account to let more than 100,000 of her favorite folks know she'll be taking a road trip with a camper full of kids and coffee. Wink, wink, you betcha! Man, that's interesting news.

Why did she leave? You ask. How will Alaska survive? These are VERY good questions, and ones I feel more than qualified to answer.

1) Why did she leave? DUH! That's a no-brainer. She left because she's got ethics investigations hanging over her head and big media was out to get her! And, oh yeah, there's that little six-figure book deal (damn her!) and high-dollar speaking engagement offers looming in the distance. And, anyway, being elected to run a state's no big deal. Heck, there's somewhere in the neighborhood of 50 of 'em in this country alone! After all, she finished over half of her term. That's pretty good, right? You betcha! Plus, she's a certifiable MAVERICK so golly gee willikers she'll get by just fine out there in her gas-guzzling RV.

2) How will Alaska survive? That's tougher. I mean easier. They probably won't notice a thing, except for the attention on their state, once again, disappearing. into thin air. (Alaska? Where's that? Somewhere in Africa? Exactly!)

So, to all you hockey moms and Joe Six Packs and Joe the Plumbers out there - no tears for you! Uh, uh. You're tough, you've got guns, you can handle it. Plus there's always Ann "Big Neck" Coulter and Rush "I'm a Drug-Addicted, Big Fat Asshole" Limbaugh to worship. Those two geniuses will catapult us into the 21st century with their wit, wisdom, and bonafide bigotry. Einstein and da Vinci ain't got nothing on them! Only problem is, if they decide to make alien babies together, then the galaxies will be destroyed and none of this patter will matter. (My poetic talent knows no bounds.)

To Sarah Palin I say, may all God's creature go scurrying for cover when they see your family's guns pointed in their direction, may your family cease from procreating, may you enjoy your bear skin rug, and if you wink at me one more time, I'm going to shove one of your rifles straight up your ass.

And, although I'm not the religious type, I've got a prayer to mark the auspicious occasion of this fearless leader's departure:

Dear God,

May this be the last we see of this beauty pageant freak. Keep her hidden from the world so she no longer makes us Americans look like the biggest bunch of jackasses
on Earth. And, please, oh please, save her from evil witchcraft! SCARY!!!

And while I've got your ear, a gentle reminder - remember that two-door, baby blue Mercedes we discussed? I'm ready whenever you are. Amen.

I couldn't end what I hope will be my last post on the illustrious ex-Governor of the Great State of Alaska without including my all-time favorite Palin-inspired cartoon. Once again, enjoy!

37 comments:

The Vegetable Assassin said...

And apart from all that, it's about time she's held accountable for the ludicrous naming policies she follows when she births babies. What's next, Trampp? Tarpp? Tampon?

Stephanie Faris said...

I was just thinking yesterday that it's a shame all of this is happening in the summertime, when SNL isn't on for Tina Fey to mock her. By the time the new season starts it'll probably be old news!

DebraLSchubert said...

VA, I like Tampon. That's SO fitting! (Pun intended.);-)

DebraLSchubert said...

Stephanie, Maybe Sarah's not as dumb as she seems. Maybe she quit in the summer just so Tina Fey couldn't get her comic genius hooks in her!!

Suzanne said...

I heart you.

DebraLSchubert said...

Suzanne, I heart you right back, girlfriend.;-)

Indigo said...

Ahhh, my ears are bleeding, someone mentioned Palin...

Oh that's right I'm deaf (winks).
Sadly I wonder if she isn't planning on RV'ing across the nation pleading for support for 2012. God, I hope NOT. (Hugs)Indigo

DebraLSchubert said...

Indigo, God forbid! Although, I'd love to see the GOP put her up against Obama in 2012. SNL and David Letterman would have a field day!

Kelly said...

I'm not a Sarah Palin basher nor supporter. Nor did I vote for her (though half my family did). BUT my husband and I were Todd and Sarah Palin for Halloween! You betcha! See here! http://kpolark.blogspot.com/2008/10/ghosts-of-halloween-costumes-past.html

DebraLSchubert said...

Kelly, OMG, that's a riot! Some of my best friends voted for the demented duo, but thankfully, no one in my family. Maybe it's just me, but I believe the person who holds the second most important job in the world should have, I don't know, brains? You two were cute, although I have to say I preferred beer wench and scary guy. Thanks for sharing.;-)

Millennium Housewife said...

That was an excellent and very funny post! Made my night.

Midlife Jobhunter said...

Hahahahahahahahah!

If only we could know for sure she won't be winking in our faces again. Meanwhile, I'm singing Ding, dong right along with you.

DebraLSchubert said...

MH, Glad you liked it, and I'm glad you found me. Sarah is such easy fodder for my blog. Part of me hopes she sticks around awhile. Not for the good of the country, just purely for the fun of it!;-)

DebraLSchubert said...

MJ, I'm not at all a violent person, but I'm telling you, one more wink...

Stacie said...

I got some good chuckles reading this! Stopping by from the blog hop to say hello! Have a great Monday.

DebraLSchubert said...

Stacie, So glad you found me! And, I'm glad I made you laugh.;-)

Bucko (a.k.a., Ken) said...

There is not a single bone in this house that is a fan of Palin, especially my male one LMAO. We cringe every time we see her. We can only hope she goes Hollywood and not Politico from here on out (of course, if she stays in Politics, she may seal her own fate). Thanks for an entertaining entry.

DebraLSchubert said...

Ken, Those Palin bones can be mighty painful! (I'd imagine...!!!) Yup, she's ripe for great blog fodder. And, who am I to pass up such an opportunity? Glad you enjoyed the entry.

Also, I'm happy you and Beth had such a great trip! Thanks for sharing it.;-)

Vegas Linda Lou said...

God help us, she's a friggin' nut.

DebraLSchubert said...

Linda, Isn't she, though? But hey, for those of us who like to make people laugh, she's a Godsend.;-)

The Peach Tart said...

Now if she would just do the classy thing and go away...but NOOO she's too much of a media whore.

DebraLSchubert said...

Deborah, No doubt about it! She just loves her some of that big, bad media attention. Not to mention the dollar signs that go along with book deals and speaking engagements (which, in her case, is an oxymoron!!!).

nsiyer said...

Sarah Palin and the soviet connection. Amazing!

Beth said...

Hahaha! Oh boy, this was fun, and the comments were just as entertaining. "Tampon." [snort]

You know how I feel about the woman. I hate to see her go completely away, though, because she provides such wonderful material! I told Ken that if she does run in 2012, I will start another blog and just rag on her idiot ass as much as I want. Have you seen the video of Shatner reading her speech? I posted it on Twitter...it's so freakin' hilarious! XO Beth

DebraLSchubert said...

nsiyer, Oh, yeah. The Russians must feel so protected knowing Sarah's keeping watch over them.;-)

DebraLSchubert said...

Beth, I knew you'd love this post, and I love the idea of an ALL SARAH ALL THE TIME blog if she's stupid enough to run. Maybe we could host it together! I saw your tweet and watched the William Shatner video. I. love. him. He's freaking hilarious. There's an old skit he did on SNL that my husband and I still quote - he's standing in front of a mirror and admiring his muscles while his wife's getting ready to go out. He keeps saying, "Hey, honey, what do you think about these guns? Look, honey, look. Aren't they amazing?" And on and on. It's hilarious. He's a comic genius.

♥ Braja said...

Sarah who?

DebraLSchubert said...

Braja, I wish!!!!!

Kasie West said...

Ahhh, politics. Nothing brings the nation closer together than politics. :)

DebraLSchubert said...

Kasie, That and really good chocolate. Loved your post on Jenni!

WendyCinNYC said...

I think you have a secret girlcrush on her. Go on, it's okay to admit it.



::Runs away and hides::

DebraLSchubert said...

Wendy, Damn, girlfriend, you read me like a book!!! I'm hoping she'll stop here on her book tour so I can get her autograph. That would like totally make my life.;-)

Anonymous said...

I wish her luck, no hard feelings.

keith H

Julie said...

I could not love this post more.

DebraLSchubert said...

Keith, You love any female that's remotely attractive. Of course, that's one of the things I love about you.;-)

DebraLSchubert said...

Julie, Thanks. It was fun.;-)

Biggs said...

Indigo, God forbid! Although, I'd love to see the GOP put her up against Obama in 2012. SNL and David Letterman would have a field day!

Like Button

There was an error in this gadget