Friday, November 7, 2008

Satan's Favorite Agent

COLORADO HERE I COME!
Well, folks, I'm heading to Denver again. Unfortunately, mom is still having a rough time. Family and friends are doing a phenomenal job caring for her, but I think it will help if I can drive her to the doctor (she's getting daily IV antibiotics), make breakfast (stop laughing - I actually know how to cook an egg), and do laundry. But, as Lewis Black would say, "have no fear my precious snowflakes!" For, I will continue this fascinating and informative blog in the land of many mountains...

POST ELECTION DRAMA
No, this is not about my neighbor, at least not the one two doors down. On Wednesday afternoon I was purchasing a few bottles of lovely, full-bodied red wines for our victory party later that night. The elderly, white guy who was next in line, asked what I was celebrating. "Our new president!" I said. He replied, "I hate to tell you this, but you just voted for Satan." I actually laughed out loud and told him that was the funniest thing I'd ever heard. He went on to explain that Obama is a baby killer and truly is the devil. And everyone who voted for him are agents of the devil. (Guilty as charged!) This guy clearly didn't know who he was verbally sparring with. I asked him if he and his peeps were so gung-ho on "saving precious, innocent lives" then why is it OK to shoot bullets into innocent animals for "sport"? He looked a bit flustered and muttered something about animals being lower species than humans. "If that's true," I asked, "then shouldn't we be smarter and more compassionate than them? And, if so, then how is it that hunters like Sarah Palin enjoy blowing their brains out?" He changed tactics and told me that the only people who have abortions are fornicators (duh!) and people having affairs. "Oh, really?" I countered, "What about all the people who neglect or physically abuse their children?" "In God's eyes, all children are in Heaven!" he answered. "Oh, yeah?" I asked, "I bet the kids who are being beaten by their parents think it feels a bit more like hell." And then for fun I added, "And, I bet you just love Sarah Palin!" "Why, yes," he said, "She's a real woman!" I guess I'm just a guy in drag, or maybe Samantha Ronson. The poor gal behind the counter looked like she wanted to crawl under an apolitical rock and die, or at least hide until this stimulating repartee was over. (Oh, and FYI: he mentioned the End of Days is near, so you may want to take that trip to Tahiti you've been putting off.)

VICTORY PARTY - A WILD SUCCESS!
Despite my encounter with the GOP (Grumpy Old Prick), our post-election night party was a blast! I don't know about you, but I am still floating on Obama-inspired air. It's both relaxing and exhilarating - like the afterglow of a great roll in the hay. What a major relief after these last, long, torturous eight years!

For the party, my friend, Joanne, made her famous vegetarian chili, and we had California rolls, hummus, salad, sandwiches, and, of course, soda, wine and beer. (My husband bought the beer and, in the spirit of the evening, chose a case from the Victory Brewery!) We also had a special guest. A full-sized cut-out of the President-Elect! (That's him above with my husband.)

I'd love to hear your election night or post-election night stories. And, if you run into the GOP, tell him Satan's favorite agent sends her love.

Signing off for now my precious snowflakes!

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

Good luck to Aunt Judy! Give her our best. Where'd you guys get the life-size Obama? That's awesome.

Tam

DebraLSchubert said...

He came from our local Obama office. I got to borrow him for the night. He really is a hottie - all the girls loved having their pictures taken with him! Looking forward to seeing you on Thanksgiving. I'll bring something with chocolate and apples! Love, D

Elizabeth said...

Christ that is priceless!!
I would not have had such a well thoughout reply. I would have just asked him to join us on the dark side. Fornicators rule!!!!

DebraLSchubert said...

Elizabeth, I couldn't agree more. Keep on fornicating!

fudgelady said...

Thanks for hosting that great party! You -- and Joanne's chili -- rule! And of course it was fun to be greeted by Barack himself... :-)

Thanks also for all your help in the office!

I loved your "afterglow of a great roll in the hay" line. Does that make it an Obamagasm?

Thanks again! I hope your mom is doing better soon.

Chuck Schubert said...

BTW, who is that extraordinarily handsome man with Barack. He should run for office!!

DebraLSchubert said...

That guy? I've heard about him. I really don't think you'd want to give him too much power. I've heard he hangs out with unsavory women...

Erich said...

I am incensed! I cannot believe Obama picked Rahm Emmanuel for Chief of Staff when he knew perfectly well that Sarah Palin was available. This "competency" based approach to staffing government might be fine for elitists who have trained all their lives to fill these positions but does it put hockey moms and plumbers in control of our country? I rest my case.

DebraLSchubert said...

OMG, Erich, you're SO right!!! Who cares about competency or experience? Hopefully, it's not too late to get Sarah "Moose Chili" Palin and Joe the Uncertified Plumber on board. Sarah could take Joe Biden's spot as Chairman of Foreign Affairs (since she can see Russia from her house!) and Joe the UnPlumber could take on cleaning up Washington with his plunger!

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